For anyone that has ever had to deal with Time Warner Cable, you know they are just about the most evil company in the world. Like seriously, it really might go like this: liars, child rapists, scummy lawyers, NYC real estate brokers and THEN Time Warner Cable. I legitimately think there’s a black cloud over their headquarters at all times, like Mordor. Horrible prices, shitty Internet and TV cutting out whenever the weather gets bad and customer service so bad it’s hard to believe they still exist. Oh wait — they exist because most of the time people don’t have another option. That monopoly shit.
But I have to give them credit for this one. Backstory: When I lived with Fiend Ty and Fiend Doubi at the hazy 2 Dank Street, we had this Time Warner cable box and modem. That was years ago. Those fiends moved to The Lab for 2 years and never returned the boxes. Every month I got letters from Time Warner trying to get the box back and saying I owed $325. Obviously we’re all lazy fiends and never paid attention. But then over time I started thinking about what these TWC fiends were capable of. Was my credit rating somehow getting rocked? Are they going to come break my legs? Am I blacklisted from ever having Time Warner Cable again?
The boxes got returned recently and the $325 was cleared. I was free from their chains.
But then…a letter appears, and what do you know: Time Warner Cable is paying me 25 beans. I honestly didn’t even know how to react, I thought it was some kind of mix up or joke. But it’s real — these mugs just gave me $25.17. Now there’s probably some lame reason they did, maybe a return of a deposit for getting the boxes but seriously — bitch don’t kill my vibe. I feel like I’ve been granted a settlement for post traumatic stress inflicted by this shit company.
Thanks Time Warner Cable, this bud (sack) is for you. And that’s the last time I’ll ever say that.