Free Vibrator Alert: What the Fuck is Wrong With America?

New Yorkers are constantly being given free food on the street, but free vibrators? From hot dog carts decked out with slogans like “Getcha vibes here!” and “Relish the moment?” Sure, why not!

On Wednesday and Thursday, Trojan says it will be handing out 5,000 of its Tri-Phoria sex toys (retail value, $40) and another 5,000 of its Pulse toys (retail value, $30) from two very special hot dog carts in different locations around the city. According to the company, it is the biggest vibrator handout in history. Even bigger than the great Allied vibrator air drop over France during World War II?! Look, press releases don’t lie. Verily, this is a street meat feat that can’t be beat!

The logic behind the giveaway isn’t just free press (though it obviously is that too—you are welcome Trojan overlords at Church & Dwight!) but also to further finish the job Sex and the City and its rabbit started: making sex toys boring. “What we’re doing is taking something like a hot dog cart that is so everyday and so mainstream and we’re showing people that vibrators are mainstream,” Bruce Weiss, vice president for marketing at Trojan, told the Times of the giveaway.

So you want to pick up some free pleasure on street? Here’s where the carts will be this week:

PROVE TO ME THAT THIS ISN’T A FAKE WORLD WHERE FREE VIBRATORS ARE GIVEN OUT ON STREET CORNERS IN NYC. I’m all for chicks finding their inner freak… shit I applaud the ladies that are at home thinking of Robert Pattinsons shoving 8 foot dildos up their you know what I’m talking about but what about the kids? I always thought that bitches get together for ‘Book Clubs’ or ‘Tupperware Parties’ and that’s where they sipped white wine spritzers and gossiped about their sex lives. That’s where a lady finds out about the joys of vibrators. Not on the corner of 3rd ave and 14th street. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY UNSUSPECTING FATHERS DROPPED THEIR LITTLE GIRLS OFF AT THEIR NYU DORMS ON THIRD AVE AND 14TH STREET THIS MORNING? YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOING TO BE HANDED A $50 VIBRATOR SIR. FOR FREE.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

#TEAMNODAUGHTERS

@oakshades

PS. Ladies here is where you can get a free joint today or tomorrow… Hit me if you need a creepy dude to slowly masturbate in the corner while breathing heavily and watching your every move.

VIA

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