“POT” Roast

Couple things.

1. If someone can make Bacon that can make me high… I will most likely be homeless, turning tricks for Bacon that can make me high.

2. If this shit doesn’t make you high, then this is just white people looking for news stories.

3. Seattle looks friendly.

4. WHO THE FUCK STILL CALLS MOOK POT?

@oakshades

PS. If a black chef tried this in Brooklyn… he’d be arrested for something.

Leave the first comment →

New York Citi Bike Share

Look at this fake reporter nigga’s hat. When I was looking for a good clip to kinda sum up all arguments about these fucking bikes I found this report, which surprisingly is the best segment on YouTube about this shit. Someone is gonna die cause of these bikes before the end of the summer. The fucking lil douchebag named Ben who says that everyone hated EZPass and ZipCars when they were announced who mentioned Paris and London and DC as examples forgot one thing. NYC is not London or Paris or DC, its fucking NYC and motherfuckers who aren’t some biking ass fiends should not be riding bikes in NYC.

Lemme paint a picture for you. It’s Governor’s Ball weekend. THe city is bumping. It’s hot, bitches are wearing skimpy clothing, alcohol sales in Manhattan are thru the roof and Tweedle Fuckboi and Tweedle Fuckbooi 2 can’t catch a cab on a Friday night. They gotta get uptown to meet some sluts they met last week at Pink Elephant. In their drunken stupor they spend $10 for a 24 hour Citibike pass. They almost break the fuck out of a dock trying to pull out a bike. They ride uptown narrowly missing running over a pregnant mother (they found this shit hillarious) they cure out a chinese delivery guy and a homeless Dominican dude before they arrive at their destination. They go upstairs. Have 3 shots each and crush some lines and then they bounce. They get downstairs and realized they never docked the bikes and they are gone.

Ok maybe they did dock the bikes a few blocks away. So they get down there and have a genius idea. They tell the girls that they can ride the handlebars of the bikes. Since these girls have low self esteem issues because their father’s loved work more then them, they agree so they don’t look boring. One thing leads to another and a NYC taxi kills all four them in a terrible New York Citi Bike accident.

It’s gonna happen. This isn’t Amsterdam. I’ve thought about riding a bike thru NYC. It makes sense. Cheaper. Excersize. Faster then walking. And then I always remember how OD NYC taxis are. And how OD pedestrians are. And then I remember that I’m 270 and no fucking way my fat ass is tryna ride these fucking bikes.

@oakshades

PS. I’m suing these mother fuckers.

Leave the first comment →

Friday #FIEND of the Week – THREE WAY TIE

You’ve no doubt spent the 14 months since Doritos Locos Tacos were introduced wondering how Taco Bell came up with the brilliant idea of turning the popular chips into popular taco shells. If you just assumed this was the work of a dedicated, and probably high, Yum Brands food scientist, Gary Cole is here to tell you that you’re wrong. To be accurate, Cole isn’t here exactly. He’s in the super-max prison in Florence, Colorado.

Cole claims that he, and not Taco Bell, invented Doritos Locos tacos. So he filed a federal lawsuit yesterday in Dallas alleging that the fast food chain, along with Pepsi, Plano-based Frito Lay and Taco Bell parent Yum Brands, stole his idea.

As proof, Cole offers a notarized document he mailed to his attorney in 2006. It’s a list of nine products that Cole lays claim to. Most of them fall under an imagined “Divas and Ballers” brand: hot sauce, alcohol, “health mix,” body oils, et cetera. Ignore all those. The key item on the list is No. 2: “Tacos (sic) shells of all flavors (made of Doritos)”

Poor fuck. You didn’t create the Doritos Locos tacos … I did about 15 years ago as a fucking ten year old. You know what I wouldn’t be doing if I was locked up in a Super-Max prison? Worrying about tacos. I’d be doing anything and everything possible to get the fuck out of SUPER-MAX PRISON. File an appeal or something fam. Don’t waste your goddamn time.

New Jersey Attorney General Jeffrey Chiesa, right, looks on as Michael Halfacre, chief of the New Jersey Division of Alcoholic Beverage Control, talks about an investigation dubbed “Operation Swill,” in which 29 bars and restaurants in New Jersey are accused of putting cheap booze in premium brand liquor bottles and selling it, during a news conference, Thursday, May 23, 2013, in Trenton, N.J. Thirteen of the restaurants cited are TGI Fridays located in central and northern New Jersey.

COME ONNNNNNNNNN. This is some fucked shit. I’ve bartended before. Shit that was my main source of income for a lil run during the Carter days. Don’t get it twisted, I’d say about 75-80% of the bars and clubs you’ve been to swap out well liquor for premiums behind the bar. You order a Bottle of Grey Goose, you get a bottle of Grey Goose. You order a Grey Goose and OJ … you’re getting two shots of the $6 bottle vodka in your Screwdriver. But rubbing alcohol? Fuck is wrong with these people? How much of a money #fiend do you have to be to serve human beings rubbing alcohol? Unfuckingbelievable. And the cops!!!! This niggas had a full blown sting operation on a TGIFridays ring. I feel like I’m watching a comedy central version of Super Troopers.

Easily my favorite fiend of these three fiends. HOW MUCH OF A YAM FIEND DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO BE A JUDGE WHO STEALS THE EVIDENCE AND YAM ALL OF IT???? This is fucking awesome. This is how powerful cocaine is. This nigga. This nigga was a judge. He threw away YEARS of schooling and MAD GUAPPPPP cause he just wanted to yam all of the yams. Do you know how easy it is to buy yams? I could call about 14 different people in my phone right now and we’d be yamming in a heartbeat. This fiend musta been like WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH COCAINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and then stole it all. How many people has this mug locked away for drugs? What a dickhead.

I’m out. It’s time for my inner fiend to takeover for the weekend.

@oakshades

Leave the first comment →

Bornsinner.com | Ib

“My partna say that’s just the game my nigga, swear I heard my jeweler say there go your chain my nigga.” -Cole

@oakshades

PS. Peep some extra photos on Rolling Stone

Leave the first comment →

Lit

Lit

It’s Lit.

Ced (@Cedbreeze) and Ron Gilmore (@Rongilmorejr) on the production.

Cole with the feature.

That’s what we call a family affair.

Dreamville

– Bas

Leave the first comment →

Clit-Dick

yup

I’m so upset I don’t have video footage of this. I swear I recorded the whole thing. But when I went to watch the video all I had was a 2 second clip of my foot. I’m so fucking sour right now.

I was with some of the #fiends last weekend at this club in the East Village. I went outside to smoke and walked into the funniest girl fight.

I’ve seen my fair share of girl Vs. girl fights. I grew up in a pretty diverse area so I’ve seen it all. White girl on white girl, black on black, latino on latino, asian on asian, and every mixed combo. Seen some vicious shit too man. You bitches need to chill out with the nails and hair ripping.

This particular fight was interesting because it was two black girl groups that each had one white girl. The fight was between each set’s white girl.

Read more ›

Leave the first comment →

Park Ave

For the last two years I’ve watched Bas piece together Quarter Water Raised Me Vol. II. This project has was written in like 8 different countries and has changed about 12 times. I’m excited as shit for ya’ll to hear #QWRM2 tomorrow. That gives all you fiends a solid month to bump the tape before Born Sinner drops on June 18th.

SMF.

Dreamville.

@oakshades

Leave a comment →

Tornado Grandma Finds Her Dog Mid Interview

I swear to god I almost shed a thug tear watching this shit. I been hanging out with my mad pups for the last 6 months and it’s like having an alien half child that just wants to chill and eat and bark at shit. Imagine this old lady who has seen pretty much the last 100 years of America only to end up in a bathroom cowering from like the most powerful recorded wind in America of all time. And then she loses her dog. And the fucking news has a camera in her face, throwing retarded questions at her. When she said she knew exactly what happened after the reporter asked her that please give me a sad quote for the audience question I wanted her to mush the reporter’s face so bad. Then she finds her dog. Shit. This some soft ass shit man.

@oakshades

Leave the first comment →

Dick Pics & Nudes: Idealist VS Realist Theories Explained

alexa5

Before too many Unbreakable jokes could be made about Greg’s inability to stay healthy, however, even better material surfaced when nude pictures Greg had taken of himself in a mirror were leaked in January 2010. Few people who saw the pictures had any sympathy for Greg; the only real takeaway was that his genitalia are exactly as big as you would think they would be. This would have been the most embarrassing moment of anyone’s life, but for an introvert who values his privacy?

After those pictures hit the Internet, Greg says he locked himself in his house for three straight days until Portland personnel knocked on his door and essentially dragged him to the gym for rehab. Going forward, he found it difficult to show his face in public, assuming everyone was thinking about the pictures and laughing to themselves.

“I wish it wouldn’t have happened,” he said. “But I’m not going to apologize for it. After all, I’m human and there are worse things that 21-year-olds could do. I just got caught up with women throwing themselves at me. When a girl sends me 100 pictures, I have to send something back every now and then. I’m not an asshole.”

Wow. That was the realest shit an athlete has ever said in the history of sports journalism.

This is the famous Greg Oden article from Bill Simmons’ GrantLand. To those that didn’t read yet, by no means was the above excerpt the focus. It was actually one of the least significant parts. But when I read that, I spit my fucking coffee out.

What truth. What honesty. I just could not get over it. That quote is just so raw, I was actually inspired to share some dick pic insight of my own. After seeing some conversations online from amateurs on the subject, I feel obligated to speak up.

Read more ›

Leave the first comment →

Serving Sizes

I’ve been a fat fuck since I was like 12. I noticed the serving size hustle back in like 96. I remember eating cereal and reading the nutritional facts cause I had an inquisitive mind (this was pre-mooking) and realizing that I was eating about 700 calories worth of Granola every day. The next time you crack open a Vitamin Water or some OJ, read the label. Liquid calories are the worstttt and there is no drink that is strictly one serving size. They are always 2.5 servings per drink. This shit is killing us slowly. EAT BETTER…YOUR BODY WILL THANK YOU FOR IT.

@oakshades

Leave the first comment →