So these are the remains of a 19-year-old girl who just wanted to have fun. She and her potentially fiend friends were partying it up in the Odessa catacombs of Russia on New Years Eve in 2005, just cause why not. The catacombs are a massive network of tunnels that were used for mining in the late 1800′s and early 1900′s that span across 1,500 FUCKING MILES of the city’s underbelly. Apparently they drunkenly forgot this poor girl there. She wasn’t found until two years later when a group of kids stumbled upon her body.
So just to drive this nightmarish scenario home, this Reddit user posted the most ball jittering, night terror inducing breakdown about how this unfathomably terrible way to die probably occurred:
Can you imagine it? Walking alone in utter darkness, just your hand on the wall. Your mouth dry from dehydration, your throat and lungs burning from the rank air and the countless hours of screaming for help. Your feet blistered messes and your legs sore to the point of exhaustion. Just walking. Nothing around you but solid darkness and cold damp walls in every direction. You’d have so much time to reflect on your life, everyone you’ve known, every event replaying over in your head. Somewhere along the line it hits you: “You aren’t getting out.” I wonder if she broke down and stopped moving on, giving in to despair or dehydration, sobbing to herself as she slumped to the cold hard ground. Nothing to comfort her, nothing to give hope. Or perhaps she kept going until she physically could not, driven by either the hallucinations that gave her false promise of salvation, or by the sheer will to live, keeping her going until she finally collapsed from exhaustion and dehydration. I also wonder if the rats started to eat her before she was completely dead.
Are you fucking kidding me!? As @oakshades mentioned to me before, this is what happens when you lose the Fiend Lottery. No disrespect to the girl, but I think everyone reading Super Mookin’ Fiends can testify to waking up after blacking out and thinking “holy fuck I need a Gatorade” followed by “I’m lucky I’m not dead.”
For the NYU fiends, I think we have it more than anyone. Yes we don’t have catacombs filled with guns and equipment from World War II, drugs and decomposing bodies, but we’ve got taxis and shit! How did my brain manage to navigate itself across this minefield of fiendery? That shit is different than navigating a super huge quad after 30 Natty Lights. Not only is that wake up in your apartment or dorm bed terrifying thinking about how you missed getting truck sticked by a cab or sodomized by a homeless man, but you also probably sent some dumbass texts.
But as the resident “Fucked Up, Life Shattering Material Fiend” of SMF, I look at things like this cause it puts all that shit in perspective.
Now that I’ve done my job of ruining your day, should I take the Bears ML tonight?