NYPD Officer Arrested Cause He Was Planning On Eating Bitches

Umm well this is weird. So I’ve been thinking alot about cops lately cause one of my best friends is currently in the academy. Then there is the whole Stop and Frisk issue and the fact that a NYPD officer got shot in Queens like two days ago. There’s literally the age old question of who watches the watchers and how can someone with power, a uniform and the right to kill can not be corrupted. Then there’s the fact that cops are just normal ass people that needed jobs. They aren’t special at all. Matter of fact, if you look at humans and analyze a groups, I’d say 1 out of every 5 people has some sorta severe issue. That being said. There  are mad cops.

Just like Gilberto Valle III. Dude is 28 and from Queens. 718 IN THIS BITCH. This dude was arrested yesterday by the FBI. Why was he arrested Oakshades? Well lemme tell you why. Valle was arrested and charged with “conspiracy to kidnap, cook, and eat women.” Read more ›

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Geno Auriemma Thinks The Hoops Should Be Lowered For Women’s BBall

If you don’t know who Geno Auriemma is, I don’t blame you. I happen to know who he is cause I’m a sports fucking nerd who also happens to be the youngest AAU coach to ever qualify a team for the Nationals. Geno Auriemma is the head coach of UConn’s Women’s Basketball team. They are one of the greatest sports organizations of all time. Granted they play hoops against other chicks, but still those ladies are so fucking dominant. Back before I found out how dope weed was, I spent pretty much all of my free time coaching a AAU team in Queens + BK called the Lady Jokers. My little sister was the truth and her friends were nice. Dead ass there were a couple instances where I’d run a full with 4 chicks from like 12-14 years old and we’d wash dudes off the court.

Then my sister stopped playing and I stopped coaching. Then I got to NYU where I had the privilege of watching every basketball game the Women’s Varsity squad played. They were nice too. BUT that shit was so goddamn boring it’s not even funny. It’s just midrange jumpers and missed layups over and over again. I knew that I felt like this but then this morning I read this fucking beauty of a statement from Geno Auriemma: 

“What makes fans not want to watch women’s basketball is that some of the players can’t shoot and they miss layups and that forces the game to slow down,” he said.

“How do help improve that? Lower the rim [from 10 feet]. Do you think the average fan knows that the net is lower in women’s volleyball than men’s volleyball? It’s about seven inches shorter so the women have the chance for the same kind of success at the net [as the men].”


“Let’s say the average men’s player is 6-5 and the average woman is 5-11,” Auriemma said. “Let’s lower the rim seven inches; let’s say 7.2 inches to honor Title IX [instituted in 1972]. If you lower it, the average fan likely wouldn’t even notice it.

“Now there would be fewer missed layups because the players are actually at the rim [when they shoot]. Shooting percentages go up. There would be more tip-ins.”

DO you know how many times me and wavebandana have talked about this? It’s the only thing that would make women’s basketball watchable. Lower the hoops to 7.5 feet. Bitches would be able to windmill and shit. No lie one of the most fun times I’ve ever had in my life was like 2 years ago. I was high as shit chilling with my boy Dorman. We were flipping thru channels and found the Liberty playing the CT Sun. It was the third quarter. Tie ball game. We decided to bet a dub on the game. We knew nothing about either team. We just chose a side each. That shit was like a triple OT game. It was fucking awesome. 

Women’s Basketball on 7.5 foot rims would single handedly be the best sport to gamble on. I have no emotional ties to any team so I wouldn’t do dumb shit like bet $50 against the Pats just cause I wish Bill Belicheck would spontaneously combust mid bout of diarrhea. Can you imagine how amazing it would be to see someone try and posterize her +++>


God I’m excited already. Someone make this happen immediately. Someone get David Stern on the phone.


PS. THE ONLY PROBLEM I CAN FORSEE = The thing about Men’s + Women’s basketball is that they play on the same height hoop. Every gym you walk into can be played on by dudes and chicks. Now the WNBA would have no issue lowering the rims but even at NYU we couldn’t lower the rims. So basically this idea is a non issue and I just spent 8 minutes writing this for no goddamn reason.


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Look At This Lil Pimp Ass Nigga

“Ayooo Ma, don’t worry bout that nigga Barack… I’m finna be class president next year.”


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Phelps Smoked Weed With Young Jeezy In the Club, Lochte a “Hippie Pothead”

When the infamous photo of Michael Phelps with his mouth pressed against a bong hit the internet more than three years ago, former Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder was not surprised. Crowder, who is now a mid-day host at 560 WQAM in Miami, told “The Jorge Sedano Show” he saw Phelps smoking weed no more than three weeks prior to the picture coming out. And the 18-time gold medalist was supposedly in good company.

“I was on South Beach probably three weeks before (the infamous photo came out)” Crowder explained. “Everybody knows who Young Jeezy is — he was in (the club). It was crazy because it was Young Jeezy and Michael in the next section over from us at (a nightclub). I look and I see Young Jeezy’s hanging out with a big old white guy and it was Michael Phelps.

“I shook his hand and he was blowing people off because he was drunk too, and I see him hit the blunt later on when Jeezy passed it. No lie! I don’t get star struck or impressed by many people but when I saw Young Jeezy hand Michael Phelps a blunt that was impressive to me,” Crowder said on WQAM.

-Larry Brown Sports

It then goes on to say how Crowder semi-knew Lochte at Florida and blah, blah, dude was burning all the time. Talented guy, but also a pretty big tool. Let’s take it back to the man himself, Mr. Phelps.

I’ve written before about how this man can really do whatever he wants apart from rape or murder. I’m not one for tattooing an America flag on my dong and then waving it around in the name of American exceptionalism — though that would be super patriotic — but this dude represented that symbolic dominance on a global stage on a sustained scale. Let this man mook!

And now this comes out, and I love this shit. Apart from Thug Motivation 101I haven’t necessarily been a Young Jeezy fanatic, but he’s getting bumped up a few pegs here. Everyone always wondered what Phelps was bumping on those headphones and a few months ago he gave us an idea: some rap and derivative house. Disappointing but whatever. But “Go Getta”? That jam could get you excited for a funeral.

Now just imagine these two dudes getting it done in the club. A 5 foot 9 Snowman and a 6 foot 4 gorky white Olympian. Blunts getting passed around, bottles getting housed and let’s get real, rails getting blown. One of them definitely partook in some sort of sexual act in a back room, perhaps Phelps with a bunch of gold medals hanging off his balls clanking for extra erotic effect.

What I’m really trying to say is that this is probably one of the more interesting, realistic and diverse blunt three ways you could put together.

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Monsters Might Kill You

Goddamn this aint good news if you own stock in the Monster Beverage Corp.

(MNST)’s energy drinks have been cited in the deaths of five people in the past year, according to incident reports that doctors and companies submit to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

The reports said the victims consumed Monster drinks prior to their deaths, ShellyBurgess, an FDA spokeswoman, said today in a phone interview. The FDA said the incidents, which are voluntarily reported, are considered to be allegations, and no conclusion is drawn until an investigation is completed. Shares of Corona, California-based Monster fell the most since 2008.

The FDA reports are being used by parents in Maryland who sued Monster last week, claiming the drinks led to caffeine toxicity that killed their 14-year-old daughter. Senator Dick Durbin, an Illinois Democrat, is asking the FDA to consider caffeine limits on energy drinks after emergency room visits involving such products jumped 10-fold from 2005 through 2009.

“FDA continues to evaluate the emerging science on a variety of ingredients, including caffeine,” Burgess said in an earlier e-mail.

The five death reports, and a sixth in 2009, were among 37 adverse reaction reports since 2004 that mentioned Monster drinks, according to a log of incidents that health professionals, companies and the public voluntarily recorded with the FDA. The agency has said it’s working on draft guidelines that would ensure energy drinks are safe.

Monster fell 14 percent to $45.73 at the close of New York trading, erasing all the gains the stock had made this year.

The best way to get your company shut the fuck down? Kill some white kids by mistake. Granted the FDA hasn’t been able to really link these kid’s deaths directly to Monster but shit it’s not something you wanna deal with as a company. Monster responded with this statement:

“Over the past 16 years Monster has sold more than 8 billion energy drinks, which have been safely consumed worldwide,” the company said in an e-mailed statement sent through an outside spokesman, Evan Pondel. “Monster does not believe that its beverages are in any way responsible for the death of Ms. Fournier. Monster is unaware of any fatality anywhere that has been caused by its drinks.”

He said, she said… I CAN’T BELIEVE MONSTER HAS BEEN AROUND FOR 16 YEARS! That’s crazy as fuck. Aight well be careful crushing Monsters and don’t buy their stock (unless it dips crazy low and you think their might be some sort of resurgence). Back to work.


PS. Weed aint kill nobody last week and is still illegal. Yea, that makes sense. 


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This is The Most Fiended Out Cover Letter of All Time


Unless you’re applying for Friday Fiend of The Week this was a terrible decision. Nobody gonna hire you with a Cover Letter like this bruh. We get it… it’s hard out in these streets for homies who dropped out of college to get a job. This isn’t how you go about it tho.



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Am I Crazy For Thinking This Ad Is A Great Idea?

First things first… NO SHOT who ever posted this is black. I found it on Reddit which means that some nerdy white dude prolly made this. NOW back to business. I’m pretty close to quitting my job and posting one of these. I mean with my skillset and ability to jump from HUGE goon to eloquent light skinned talker means that I easily could charge upwards of $100 a day as a ‘Rent-A-Nigga’. 


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What The Fuck Is Going On With #SMF?

Aight so Wave got a new job at one of the best Ad Agencies in the world so he’s been doing fiend shit the last two weeks trying to snatch the job up and bang bang he did. Right now I’m currently trying to take our best posts and get them on our new site. It’s currently being made sexy but if you wanna take a sneak peak just head over to SMFiends.com

Soon we sha’ll be done.


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Work In Progress

We’re doing shit.

BRB Fiends.


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Wake The Fuck Up

I mean is American politics not the best TV show or what? I cannot believe this Samuel L Jackson cameo. Does Romney know any cool white actors other then Clint Eastwood? Come on Mitt! You gotta bomb back b!


PS. I’m so excited for the election. Homeland got me all revved up last night and shit. Terrorism! China! Nukes!!!! YESSSSS MORE DRAMAAAAAAAAA

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