Above the Influence | We Rise Together – HOLY SHIT, WORST ANTI DRUG COMMERCIAL YET

Yea have fun on fucking Facebook while we’re all out getting fucked up with all the bitches!!!

First off, is there a worse website than Facebook to send a group of depressed, friendless teenagers that don’t get invited to parties? 85% of newsfeeds are filled with pictures of people out partying and getting fucked up. So while this poor asshole is siting alone waiting for someone to like his post on Above The Influence, he has to see 100 pictures constantly reminding him that the rest of his school is out living it up, getting trashed. Let’s see how long they last looking at pictures of assholes writing “Above the Influence” on their hands when their newsfeed is popping with the hottest girls/guys in their school instagraming pictures of blunts and crushing beer bongs. Facebook could be the worst place in the world for these people. You would honestly be better off sending them to Super Mookin Fiends’.

You anti drug people have zero understanding of your audience. It’s astounding. You just told kids instead of going out and enjoying life it would be much cooler to lock yourself in a room and hide behind a computer screen. This is your alternative to parties/drugs/alcohol? Just spend all weekend playing World of Warcraft and liking other sick bastards’ Facebook statuses in complete isolation?

These commercials just make me sick. As a fiend, I take it as a personal diss every time I see one. They do not reach a single person. Take this money you’re wasting on airing spots during prime time TV, and donate it to some charity that is actually making a difference.

Another thing that always annoys me, what fucking town do these kids live in where there is such an abundance of drugs and alcohol that they are literally forcing kids to take them? They always make it seem like if you don’t do drugs or drink that the whole world is going to shun you. I think it’s actually the opposite. Any time I offer someone drugs and alcohol I am secretly praying that they decline.  When I’m at a party smoking a blunt or standing next to my 30 rack, and someone comes up to me, my first thought is NEVER, “is this kid coool mannnn, is he down?? If not, I’m gonna force him or kick him out!” Never happens. My real thought IS ALWAYS “great, now I gotta give this motherfucker a beer or let him hit the blunt”. So when I offer and the person declines, I’m happy as shit! I was polite and now there is more sour and beers for me! You feel me? Like if your reaction is to try and make someone drink or smoke your shit, your problem isn’t drugs, it’s being  a spoiled rich kid. Anyone else would be happy as shit that the person declined, that means more shit for the real fiends. This goes especially for cocaine.  That shit is dumb expensive, hearing “naw man, thanks, I don’t do that shit”, is my second favorite thing to hear while doing coke, falling just short of a girl telling me “lets rail lines and fuck”. Come to think of it, I kinda love anti drug mugs…

Look, I have no issue in choosing not to do drugs or drink. Generally speaking, that’s usually a red flag that you suck and I’m going to hate you, but by no means do I have issues with that. What I do have issue with is people that tell others how to live their one and only life. I hate these people more than anyone else on earth, I hope you all catch a mean case of Gonorrhea in your lifetime. You don’t have “courage to stand up”, you’re just a fucking pretentious asshole using inadequate/outdated/unjustified/manipulated/corrupted data and research to support your irrational claims. You don’t want to drink or smoke? Fucking fine! No one gives a fuck, that means more for us you bitch ass. But don’t try to band together and tell me what the fuck to do. And PLEASE, take my advice, do not lock yourself in a room and play on the computer all day. Avoiding drugs is not worth becoming a depressed recluse. What’s the difference between smoking weed and doing nothing, or sitting on the computer all night? You can still go out and party (and absolutely clean up on drug chicks/dudes)! You can still have lots of friends. You can still hang out in the same room as those that drink and do drugs. Just don’t do it yourself then. No one gives a fuck, the world does not revolve around you. Go out, learn lessons, take your lumps, ENJOY FUCKING LIFE.

FUCK. This shit gets me so angry. It’s so simple.

@Wave_Bandana

PS – I really hate to give the game away. Bas hates it when mugs give the game away. But I’m going to do you anti drug propaganda makers a solid and tell you how to reach your target demo. The execution part is on you. But these are the touch-points, concepts, and sentiments you should focus on:

#1 – Make all hot girls think that drinking and drugs makes them fat or something only a complete slut cake whore would do. This is crucial because it helps the female and the male sexes.

#2 – I’m a complete fiend. So are my friends. The only times we have ever stopped being a fiend is when we we are fucking a really hot girl that tells us we can’t fuck if we don’t stop drinking/doing coke/smoking/etc. That’s it. That is the only time a man will rise above the influence, when a hot girl tells him he can’t fuck unless he stops doing whatever. I’ve quit cigarettes, coke, acid, weed, even drinking, ONLY for bitches. Because as much as I love drugs and alcohol, I love pussy just a little more.

So, make hot girls think this shit makes them hoes or obese, then let the hot girls tell dudes they can’t fuck unless they stop.

BOOM. I just solved all your problems. Now go waste more money figuring out how to execute.

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NYPD Officer Arrested Cause He Was Planning On Eating Bitches

Umm well this is weird. So I’ve been thinking alot about cops lately cause one of my best friends is currently in the academy. Then there is the whole Stop and Frisk issue and the fact that a NYPD officer got shot in Queens like two days ago. There’s literally the age old question of who watches the watchers and how can someone with power, a uniform and the right to kill can not be corrupted. Then there’s the fact that cops are just normal ass people that needed jobs. They aren’t special at all. Matter of fact, if you look at humans and analyze a groups, I’d say 1 out of every 5 people has some sorta severe issue. That being said. There  are mad cops.

Just like Gilberto Valle III. Dude is 28 and from Queens. 718 IN THIS BITCH. This dude was arrested yesterday by the FBI. Why was he arrested Oakshades? Well lemme tell you why. Valle was arrested and charged with “conspiracy to kidnap, cook, and eat women.” Read more ›

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Geno Auriemma Thinks The Hoops Should Be Lowered For Women’s BBall

If you don’t know who Geno Auriemma is, I don’t blame you. I happen to know who he is cause I’m a sports fucking nerd who also happens to be the youngest AAU coach to ever qualify a team for the Nationals. Geno Auriemma is the head coach of UConn’s Women’s Basketball team. They are one of the greatest sports organizations of all time. Granted they play hoops against other chicks, but still those ladies are so fucking dominant. Back before I found out how dope weed was, I spent pretty much all of my free time coaching a AAU team in Queens + BK called the Lady Jokers. My little sister was the truth and her friends were nice. Dead ass there were a couple instances where I’d run a full with 4 chicks from like 12-14 years old and we’d wash dudes off the court.

Then my sister stopped playing and I stopped coaching. Then I got to NYU where I had the privilege of watching every basketball game the Women’s Varsity squad played. They were nice too. BUT that shit was so goddamn boring it’s not even funny. It’s just midrange jumpers and missed layups over and over again. I knew that I felt like this but then this morning I read this fucking beauty of a statement from Geno Auriemma: 

“What makes fans not want to watch women’s basketball is that some of the players can’t shoot and they miss layups and that forces the game to slow down,” he said.

“How do help improve that? Lower the rim [from 10 feet]. Do you think the average fan knows that the net is lower in women’s volleyball than men’s volleyball? It’s about seven inches shorter so the women have the chance for the same kind of success at the net [as the men].”

[…]

“Let’s say the average men’s player is 6-5 and the average woman is 5-11,” Auriemma said. “Let’s lower the rim seven inches; let’s say 7.2 inches to honor Title IX [instituted in 1972]. If you lower it, the average fan likely wouldn’t even notice it.

“Now there would be fewer missed layups because the players are actually at the rim [when they shoot]. Shooting percentages go up. There would be more tip-ins.”

DO you know how many times me and wavebandana have talked about this? It’s the only thing that would make women’s basketball watchable. Lower the hoops to 7.5 feet. Bitches would be able to windmill and shit. No lie one of the most fun times I’ve ever had in my life was like 2 years ago. I was high as shit chilling with my boy Dorman. We were flipping thru channels and found the Liberty playing the CT Sun. It was the third quarter. Tie ball game. We decided to bet a dub on the game. We knew nothing about either team. We just chose a side each. That shit was like a triple OT game. It was fucking awesome. 

Women’s Basketball on 7.5 foot rims would single handedly be the best sport to gamble on. I have no emotional ties to any team so I wouldn’t do dumb shit like bet $50 against the Pats just cause I wish Bill Belicheck would spontaneously combust mid bout of diarrhea. Can you imagine how amazing it would be to see someone try and posterize her +++>

 

God I’m excited already. Someone make this happen immediately. Someone get David Stern on the phone.

@oakshades

PS. THE ONLY PROBLEM I CAN FORSEE = The thing about Men’s + Women’s basketball is that they play on the same height hoop. Every gym you walk into can be played on by dudes and chicks. Now the WNBA would have no issue lowering the rims but even at NYU we couldn’t lower the rims. So basically this idea is a non issue and I just spent 8 minutes writing this for no goddamn reason.

VIA

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Look At This Lil Pimp Ass Nigga

“Ayooo Ma, don’t worry bout that nigga Barack… I’m finna be class president next year.”

VIA

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Phelps Smoked Weed With Young Jeezy In the Club, Lochte a “Hippie Pothead”

When the infamous photo of Michael Phelps with his mouth pressed against a bong hit the internet more than three years ago, former Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder was not surprised. Crowder, who is now a mid-day host at 560 WQAM in Miami, told “The Jorge Sedano Show” he saw Phelps smoking weed no more than three weeks prior to the picture coming out. And the 18-time gold medalist was supposedly in good company.

“I was on South Beach probably three weeks before (the infamous photo came out)” Crowder explained. “Everybody knows who Young Jeezy is — he was in (the club). It was crazy because it was Young Jeezy and Michael in the next section over from us at (a nightclub). I look and I see Young Jeezy’s hanging out with a big old white guy and it was Michael Phelps.

“I shook his hand and he was blowing people off because he was drunk too, and I see him hit the blunt later on when Jeezy passed it. No lie! I don’t get star struck or impressed by many people but when I saw Young Jeezy hand Michael Phelps a blunt that was impressive to me,” Crowder said on WQAM.

-Larry Brown Sports

It then goes on to say how Crowder semi-knew Lochte at Florida and blah, blah, dude was burning all the time. Talented guy, but also a pretty big tool. Let’s take it back to the man himself, Mr. Phelps.

I’ve written before about how this man can really do whatever he wants apart from rape or murder. I’m not one for tattooing an America flag on my dong and then waving it around in the name of American exceptionalism — though that would be super patriotic — but this dude represented that symbolic dominance on a global stage on a sustained scale. Let this man mook!

And now this comes out, and I love this shit. Apart from Thug Motivation 101I haven’t necessarily been a Young Jeezy fanatic, but he’s getting bumped up a few pegs here. Everyone always wondered what Phelps was bumping on those headphones and a few months ago he gave us an idea: some rap and derivative house. Disappointing but whatever. But “Go Getta”? That jam could get you excited for a funeral.

Now just imagine these two dudes getting it done in the club. A 5 foot 9 Snowman and a 6 foot 4 gorky white Olympian. Blunts getting passed around, bottles getting housed and let’s get real, rails getting blown. One of them definitely partook in some sort of sexual act in a back room, perhaps Phelps with a bunch of gold medals hanging off his balls clanking for extra erotic effect.

What I’m really trying to say is that this is probably one of the more interesting, realistic and diverse blunt three ways you could put together.

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Monsters Might Kill You

Goddamn this aint good news if you own stock in the Monster Beverage Corp.

(MNST)’s energy drinks have been cited in the deaths of five people in the past year, according to incident reports that doctors and companies submit to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

The reports said the victims consumed Monster drinks prior to their deaths, ShellyBurgess, an FDA spokeswoman, said today in a phone interview. The FDA said the incidents, which are voluntarily reported, are considered to be allegations, and no conclusion is drawn until an investigation is completed. Shares of Corona, California-based Monster fell the most since 2008.

The FDA reports are being used by parents in Maryland who sued Monster last week, claiming the drinks led to caffeine toxicity that killed their 14-year-old daughter. Senator Dick Durbin, an Illinois Democrat, is asking the FDA to consider caffeine limits on energy drinks after emergency room visits involving such products jumped 10-fold from 2005 through 2009.

“FDA continues to evaluate the emerging science on a variety of ingredients, including caffeine,” Burgess said in an earlier e-mail.

The five death reports, and a sixth in 2009, were among 37 adverse reaction reports since 2004 that mentioned Monster drinks, according to a log of incidents that health professionals, companies and the public voluntarily recorded with the FDA. The agency has said it’s working on draft guidelines that would ensure energy drinks are safe.

Monster fell 14 percent to $45.73 at the close of New York trading, erasing all the gains the stock had made this year.

The best way to get your company shut the fuck down? Kill some white kids by mistake. Granted the FDA hasn’t been able to really link these kid’s deaths directly to Monster but shit it’s not something you wanna deal with as a company. Monster responded with this statement:

“Over the past 16 years Monster has sold more than 8 billion energy drinks, which have been safely consumed worldwide,” the company said in an e-mailed statement sent through an outside spokesman, Evan Pondel. “Monster does not believe that its beverages are in any way responsible for the death of Ms. Fournier. Monster is unaware of any fatality anywhere that has been caused by its drinks.”

He said, she said… I CAN’T BELIEVE MONSTER HAS BEEN AROUND FOR 16 YEARS! That’s crazy as fuck. Aight well be careful crushing Monsters and don’t buy their stock (unless it dips crazy low and you think their might be some sort of resurgence). Back to work.

@oakshades

PS. Weed aint kill nobody last week and is still illegal. Yea, that makes sense. 

VIA

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This is The Most Fiended Out Cover Letter of All Time

DAWG.

Unless you’re applying for Friday Fiend of The Week this was a terrible decision. Nobody gonna hire you with a Cover Letter like this bruh. We get it… it’s hard out in these streets for homies who dropped out of college to get a job. This isn’t how you go about it tho.

@oakshades

PS. BUT SHIT YOU MADE IT TO THE FIEND BLOG SO GET MOOKED AND ENJOY UNEMPLOYMENT!

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Am I Crazy For Thinking This Ad Is A Great Idea?

First things first… NO SHOT who ever posted this is black. I found it on Reddit which means that some nerdy white dude prolly made this. NOW back to business. I’m pretty close to quitting my job and posting one of these. I mean with my skillset and ability to jump from HUGE goon to eloquent light skinned talker means that I easily could charge upwards of $100 a day as a ‘Rent-A-Nigga’. 

@oakshades

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What The Fuck Is Going On With #SMF?

Aight so Wave got a new job at one of the best Ad Agencies in the world so he’s been doing fiend shit the last two weeks trying to snatch the job up and bang bang he did. Right now I’m currently trying to take our best posts and get them on our new site. It’s currently being made sexy but if you wanna take a sneak peak just head over to SMFiends.com

Soon we sha’ll be done.

@oakshades

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Work In Progress

We’re doing shit.

BRB Fiends.

@oakshades

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