Harlem Shake Accident

Between that and ===>

I’m gonna go ahead thank Baauer for tricking white people into lighting themselves on fire for my viewing pleasure.

@oakshades

Leave the first comment →

#FIEND Deer

WHO WAS MORE SUPRISED? The deer who was like “WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK”? Or the bus driver who was like “WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK”?

This is like the equivalent of me going for a run and running face first into an alien space ship. How did that deer not die on impact? Where the fuck is PETA?

LISTEN YOU FUCKS. I get it. Animals are awesome and shit. BUT THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TO CONTROL THE ANIMAL POPULATION. As much as it sucks to admit. Humans are an apex predator for a goddamn reason. Is it greedy to say that I rather have humans driving around without the increased danger of a fucking deer jumping in the car? Yea. But I don’t give a fuck. Human lives are more valuable then animal lives because I’m a human and that’s the only reason I got.

@oakshades

PS. We gotta do a VO for this shit.

Leave the first comment →

Twerk Team Makes A Sandwich

I just spilled coffee everywhere cause I was not expecting this GIF when I clicked it.

@oakshades

PS. I hope this catches someone off guard like it caught me. Now my mouse won’t work.

Leave the first comment →

Beer Pong Death Cup Saves Lives

url-2

This story is from last summer. When it’s all said and done, this story will be completely lost and forgotten. So I have to get it down on paper now because motherfuckers needed to remember how close they were to dying.

For this one, I’m going to have to protect names. So let’s call my two friends here Fiend H and Fiend R.

Fiend H and Fiend R had a party this weekend. They live in a really dope upper east-side duplex with a private backyard. The backyard is actually a decent size for NYC; big enough to host kegs, a grill, lounge chairs, and multiple tables for a 16 Team bracket style beer pong tournament.

Read more ›

Leave the first comment →

New York Titties

In the cold of February, as New York City police officers gathered for their daily orders at roll call, they were given a rather unusual command, for both its timing and its substance: If they happened upon a topless woman, they were not to arrest her.

The command was read at 10 consecutive roll calls. Each of the city’s 34,000 officers, in theory, got the message: For “simply exposing their breasts in public,” women are guilty of no crime.

Whether any officer encountered such a brave-hearted, bare-chested soul is not clear, nor is the reason for the Police Department’s concern about such matters in the dead of winter. One possible explanation lies in the person of Holly Van Voast, a Bronx photographer and performance artist known for baring her breasts.

The order was disclosed in an official memorandum contained in a federal lawsuit Ms. Van Voast filed on Wednesday against the city and the department. The memo makes clear that bare-breasted women should not be cited for public lewdness, indecent exposure or any other section of the penal law.

Even if the topless display draws a lot of attention, officers are to “give a lawful order to disperse the entire crowd and take enforcement action” against those who do not comply, the memo says. “Whether the individuals are clothed is not a factor in making a determination about whether the above-mentioned crowd conditions exist.”

The suit lists 10 episodes in 2011 and 2012 in which the police detained, arrested or issued summonses to Ms. Van Voast, 46, for baring her breasts at sites that included the Oyster Bar in Grand Central Terminal, in front of a Manhattan elementary school, on the A train and outside a Hooters restaurant in Midtown. That last episode, the suit says, ended with her being taken by the police to a nearby hospital for a psychiatric evaluation.

Each complaint against her was dismissed or dropped, her lawyers said, for one simple reason: The state’s highest court ruled more than two decades ago that baring one’s chest in public — for noncommercial activity — is perfectly legal for a woman, as it is for a man.

But when Ms. Van Voast’s top came off again this year, her lawyers said, what had seemed to be an annual rite of spring did not follow. “I was aware that they stopped telling her to put a shirt on, stopped arresting her, stopped carting her off to mental institutions,” Ronald L. Kuby, one of her lawyers, said. “But I was not aware why.”

Last year I was sitting at my desk when the internet went out, so I packed my shit up and posted up at Starbucks in Union Sq. I’m writing scripts for this commercial when BAM a fat pair of titties post up outside the window. Not bad fat titties… Like AWESOME titties. The craziest shit was there were cops standing right across the street and didn’t come at her at all. I was mad confused. Fast forward to today when I read this NYTimes article and now it makes sense.
Read more ›

Leave the first comment →

Senior Citizen Fiends

Three people—a 75-year-old man and two women, aged 66 and 54—have been arrested and charged with running a drug and prostitution ring out of a senior citizens’ housing complex in Englewood, New Jersey. (Were you guessing Florida? Good guess, but not this time.)

Cheryl Chaney and James Parham had lived at the Vincente K. Tibbs Senior Citizen Building since 2010 and 2012, respectively. Both had passed the income requirements and criminal background checks required to live in the 152-unit complex, which is reserved exclusively for low-income people age 62 and up and disabled people age 55 and up. However, it wasn’t long after the pair started hanging out together, and with a non-resident accomplice named Selma McDuffie, that the once peaceful Tibbs building got rowdy.

There were reports of drunk people lingering around the complex, used condoms in the rec room, furious banging on people’s doors in the middle of the night, and addicts passed out in various places throughout the residence. Things got so bad that Englewood Police Chief Arthur O’Keefe decided to send undercover cops to watch over Tibbs. The officers were then able to track the origin of most of the problems to Parham and Chaney’s section of the building’s fifth floor.

In late April, police arrested fifth-floor residents James Parham and his neighbor Cheryl Chaney on charges of possession of drug paraphernalia and maintaining a drug nuisance. Chaney faces an additional charge of possession of crack cocaine.

A third suspect, Selma McDuffie, a 54-year-old school crossing guard, was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia after police found her with a crack pipe, police said…

Parham admitted providing prostitutes—mostly young women with crack cocaine addictions—to some of his younger neighbors in the building, Detective Capt. Timothy Torell said. More charges could be pending.

Despite the fact that Parham and Chaney are now being evicted on top of their arrests, Chief O’Keefe says he plans on maintaining round-the-clock police patrols of the Tibbs building. “I’m not going to allow the seniors to fall victim again,” he told Bergen County’s The Record.

This is me and wave in 40 years if shit doesn’t play out correctly. Well… minus the crack cocaine and shit. I visited my grandma at her nursing home this past weekend and let’s just say that getting old has to be one of the most depressing realities in the world. That’s why I’ve made my decision in regards to my last years. If I make it to like 70 and I’m still gucci… I’m gonna roll and do acid pretty much like every day until it’s time to go. I’m also gonna try Heroin. Imma take care of my grandkids their whole lives so when it’s time to get high as a kite, they hook me the fuck up.

@oakshades

PS. Instead of a random nursing home, I’m also gonna cop some sort of complex (maybe just a huge ass crib) and have all of the fiends move in. We’re gonna go out the same way we came into adulthood … BODIED.

VIA

Leave the first comment →

Friday Fiend of the Week: The Perfect Molly

url-10

I have this fucking certified #fiend of a friend, let’s just call him “Fiend L” to protect his legal name.

Basically this fiend bought a whole bunch of molly for some EDM show this weekend. He was all excited talking about how he found the best Molly connect and all this bullshit all week long. He put together a little fiend bag of all the Mollies and a bunch of other terrible pills. Wrapped it all up nice and put it in his pocket.

BUT…this fucking idiot washed his pants in the laundry with all the pills still in his pants. However, what happened next is either  a death sentence or miracle of modern science.

The pills all mixed together with laundry detergent and basically formed one giant super molly pill. AKA, the perfect molly. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s literally a perfect circular ball of molly, Tide, and whatever other fucking fiend pills he had. It’s actually a beautiful sight to see. I don’t even understand how it’s physically possible. It’s the perfect Molly.

So of course Fiend L is going against every recommendation in medical history and heavily contemplating taking the perfect molly at this show this weekend. This has become a pretty polarizing topic amongst The Super Mookin’ Fiends. Half of us think he’s 100% going to die. The other half think it’s going to be the best night of his life.

I know Fiend L the best. I can promise you this moron is going to take it. Regardless, just being the protagonist in this story makes you the Friday Fiend of the Week.

@Wave_Bandana / Blogs

PS – I will report back on this after we see if he lives or dies.

PS – Would you take, “the perfect molly”?

Leave the first comment →

Genius: The Beer Turnstile Antarctica AlmapBBDO

During the Carnival in Rio de Janeiro, the high consumption of alcoholic drinks is the main responsible factor for the increase in traffic accidents. Drunk drivers are directly involved in the increase of 50% of fatal accidents during this time of the year.

Antarctica’s objective, the most consumed beer brand and sponsor of the event, was to make its consumers arrive safely at home after drinking.

We developed The Beer Turnstile. At a subway station near the areas where street carnival groups gathered, Antarctica set up turnstiles that would accept empty beer cans instead of subway tickets. Optical reading recognizes the empty beer can and allows the party-goer to access the subway. The beer cans collected were donated to a recycling organization. VIA

If you read any of my shit before, you know I love marketing, but I fucking HATE shitty anti- drinking/smoking/drugs/fiend campaigns. (See: Above The Influence / We Rise Together – Holy Shit, Worst Anti Drug Commercial Yet)

This shit right here…this is the shit that restores my faith in humanity. Straight genius.

Read more ›

Leave the first comment →

Why I Don’t Think Smoking Sour Will Be Legal In Our Lifetime

url

With more and more states decriminalizing marijuana and adding dispensaries from coast to coast, a lot of people believe we’re on the cusp of a legal weed era in the United States.  Unfortunately, I’m not convinced we will ever see that in our lifetime.

I always hear so many fucking stoners say the same shit, “they need to make that shit legal and just TAX it. The government would make so much money, it’s a win-win”.  I’m so fucking tired of all this shit and all these documentaries trying to debunk myths.

Read more ›

Leave the first comment →

Is This Good … Or The Softest Shit Ever?

Half of me is like yea I guess this isn’t a bad thing. Parents notoriously are fucking terrible when it comes to sports. And the worst part about the terrible parents is that they are all different variations of the following:

1. My Kid Is The Best – This dude. His kid can do no wrong. He doesn’t ever yell at his kid, he yells at everyone else tho. EVEN HIS KID’S TEAMMATES. Pass it to Johnny. Johnny is wide open. You gotta help Johnny. SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE YOU MAKE JOHNNY PERSONA NON GRATTA YOU FAT FUCK. I knew this kid who was a sick hooper. Could windmill. Could shoot 30 footers. But his dad was so insufferable his entire team HATED him. He had this built in I’m the best attitude that could only be fostered if you were raised by someone telling you that you were the best and that you were entitled to the ball at every moment and you did nothing wrong ever. This nigga got peed on in the showers. STRAIGHT UP. His dad fucked his head up so bad, that everyone hated him and even though he was the best player… he got peed on in the shower.

2. The Loud Mom – Probably the most embarrassing parent cause she means well but she sounds retarded. You know that ‘score a touchdown baby’ moment during a basketball game from like cheesy movies? My mom did that once and the entire gym laughed at me. My mom is white as shit. I’m a 9 year old light skin black kid. The whole crowd looked around for like 12 seconds till they realized my team was looking at me kinda giggling and then BAM the whole gym is laughing at me. It was like an episode of One Tree Hill. Shit was embarrassing as fuck. Loud Moms can also be vicious as fuck. Dudes learn how to shit talk while playing sports growing up. We also know what it feels like to be 10 and having someone scream at them. In my experience playing and coaching, the rudest shit is always screamed by women.

3. The Vicarious Athlete – This motherfucker. I’m gonna have to do everything in my power to not be this dude. I’m a bum. I had hoop dreams. Those dreams were worthless. I shoulda been learning how to code. I shoulda never gave up the piano and Fruity Loops. So naturally when my son or daughter takes an interest in sports I’m gonna try and Tiger Wood the shit outta them. BUT, you don’t wanna be that father. The one who charts every shot and screams at the kid for failing. The dad who loves the game more then the kid does. I don’t wanna be this guy. I probably gonna be this guy.

4. The Dead Beat – Don’t be the drunk parent. Don’t be the parent that doesn’t show up. Don’t be the parent that doesn’t care. It’s that simple. We’ve all seen it. It’s awful.

Anyway so yea this sign is a good thing but shit these lil kids growing up these days are soft as fuck. My sister was nasty at hoops but she was even better at getting in bitches’ heads. She was like Ron Artest shit was hysterical. She got a Technical Foul for telling a girl that her mommy doesn’t love her cause she misses layups. The girl cried on the court. I was dying laughing. Some of the meanest shit has been said to me during sports but I’ve brushed it off. It made me learn that people can flip on/off the nasty. But yea I guess as a whole there are probably more kids that can’t handle being called a Nigger during a football game vs those who can.

@oakshades

Leave the first comment →