Fiend Gas Station Scam

As a born and raised New Yorker I don’t fucking understand how this happened. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SELL A STORE TO SOMEONE AND GIVE THEM THE KEYS TO YOUR BUSINESS?

“They seemed regular yet you had that like sense that something was just not right.”

Word? You sensed that? But they copped a Gas Station with faked checks and bounced with $50k

Fake checks? What is this ‘Catch Me If You Can‘? I don’t know anyone other then my shady landlord that accepts checks. It’s 2013 what the fuck is wrong with these fiends?

Next up is the law that says you can’t offer too much of a discount on your gas so the gas market stays high. Word? That sounds like a system where even if there isn’t a gas shortage, the people with the gas could hike the prices up saying that there is a gas shortage. Then they could invade countries that do have gas. All the while maintaining profits and setting up the world cause on the low the home country has been sitting on gas the entire time. Fracking.

Shout out to Jay Kolls. #kollsworld

@oakshades

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I almost became a baby daddy…

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So I had another pregnancy scare and like always for a few days I was freaking the fuck out. Especially now since I’m getting too old for an abortion. I passed that age where I can use the excuse of “not being ready yet”. I’m past the point where I can give it up for adoption too. I could support a love child. Plus I don’t want that little bastard growing up resenting me and making the NBA without me.

So normally when these scares happen, I spend a few panicked hours Googling shit about trimesters, Planed Parenthood hours of operations, and cliffs I can jump from. But this time since I was ready to just accept my fate, I decided to use my time more efficiently. I started to come up with baby names for my bastard child. Here is where I netted out.
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Kanye West – New Slaves Premier

Last night, Kanye kicked off his next major music campaign by premiering his new video “New Slaves” by projecting the clip on 66 buildings at 66 locations. The above video is footage from the Williamsburg location in Brooklyn.

Say what you want about Kanye, but he always comes through when it’s time to market and build up buzz. Whether its guerilla marketing tactics like this, to full digital campaigns such as the “Good Fridays” saga. I always admire the superstar brands that love to try out cool shit and take advantage of their owned media and guaranteed media impressions from their popularity. My current agency does this the best.

@Wave_Bandana / Blogs

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Studio #Fiends

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NYC

– The Super Mookin’ Fiends

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Harlem Shake Accident

Between that and ===>

I’m gonna go ahead thank Baauer for tricking white people into lighting themselves on fire for my viewing pleasure.

@oakshades

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#FIEND Deer

WHO WAS MORE SUPRISED? The deer who was like “WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK”? Or the bus driver who was like “WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK”?

This is like the equivalent of me going for a run and running face first into an alien space ship. How did that deer not die on impact? Where the fuck is PETA?

LISTEN YOU FUCKS. I get it. Animals are awesome and shit. BUT THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TO CONTROL THE ANIMAL POPULATION. As much as it sucks to admit. Humans are an apex predator for a goddamn reason. Is it greedy to say that I rather have humans driving around without the increased danger of a fucking deer jumping in the car? Yea. But I don’t give a fuck. Human lives are more valuable then animal lives because I’m a human and that’s the only reason I got.

@oakshades

PS. We gotta do a VO for this shit.

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Twerk Team Makes A Sandwich

I just spilled coffee everywhere cause I was not expecting this GIF when I clicked it.

@oakshades

PS. I hope this catches someone off guard like it caught me. Now my mouse won’t work.

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Beer Pong Death Cup Saves Lives

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This story is from last summer. When it’s all said and done, this story will be completely lost and forgotten. So I have to get it down on paper now because motherfuckers needed to remember how close they were to dying.

For this one, I’m going to have to protect names. So let’s call my two friends here Fiend H and Fiend R.

Fiend H and Fiend R had a party this weekend. They live in a really dope upper east-side duplex with a private backyard. The backyard is actually a decent size for NYC; big enough to host kegs, a grill, lounge chairs, and multiple tables for a 16 Team bracket style beer pong tournament.

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New York Titties

In the cold of February, as New York City police officers gathered for their daily orders at roll call, they were given a rather unusual command, for both its timing and its substance: If they happened upon a topless woman, they were not to arrest her.

The command was read at 10 consecutive roll calls. Each of the city’s 34,000 officers, in theory, got the message: For “simply exposing their breasts in public,” women are guilty of no crime.

Whether any officer encountered such a brave-hearted, bare-chested soul is not clear, nor is the reason for the Police Department’s concern about such matters in the dead of winter. One possible explanation lies in the person of Holly Van Voast, a Bronx photographer and performance artist known for baring her breasts.

The order was disclosed in an official memorandum contained in a federal lawsuit Ms. Van Voast filed on Wednesday against the city and the department. The memo makes clear that bare-breasted women should not be cited for public lewdness, indecent exposure or any other section of the penal law.

Even if the topless display draws a lot of attention, officers are to “give a lawful order to disperse the entire crowd and take enforcement action” against those who do not comply, the memo says. “Whether the individuals are clothed is not a factor in making a determination about whether the above-mentioned crowd conditions exist.”

The suit lists 10 episodes in 2011 and 2012 in which the police detained, arrested or issued summonses to Ms. Van Voast, 46, for baring her breasts at sites that included the Oyster Bar in Grand Central Terminal, in front of a Manhattan elementary school, on the A train and outside a Hooters restaurant in Midtown. That last episode, the suit says, ended with her being taken by the police to a nearby hospital for a psychiatric evaluation.

Each complaint against her was dismissed or dropped, her lawyers said, for one simple reason: The state’s highest court ruled more than two decades ago that baring one’s chest in public — for noncommercial activity — is perfectly legal for a woman, as it is for a man.

But when Ms. Van Voast’s top came off again this year, her lawyers said, what had seemed to be an annual rite of spring did not follow. “I was aware that they stopped telling her to put a shirt on, stopped arresting her, stopped carting her off to mental institutions,” Ronald L. Kuby, one of her lawyers, said. “But I was not aware why.”

Last year I was sitting at my desk when the internet went out, so I packed my shit up and posted up at Starbucks in Union Sq. I’m writing scripts for this commercial when BAM a fat pair of titties post up outside the window. Not bad fat titties… Like AWESOME titties. The craziest shit was there were cops standing right across the street and didn’t come at her at all. I was mad confused. Fast forward to today when I read this NYTimes article and now it makes sense.
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Senior Citizen Fiends

Three people—a 75-year-old man and two women, aged 66 and 54—have been arrested and charged with running a drug and prostitution ring out of a senior citizens’ housing complex in Englewood, New Jersey. (Were you guessing Florida? Good guess, but not this time.)

Cheryl Chaney and James Parham had lived at the Vincente K. Tibbs Senior Citizen Building since 2010 and 2012, respectively. Both had passed the income requirements and criminal background checks required to live in the 152-unit complex, which is reserved exclusively for low-income people age 62 and up and disabled people age 55 and up. However, it wasn’t long after the pair started hanging out together, and with a non-resident accomplice named Selma McDuffie, that the once peaceful Tibbs building got rowdy.

There were reports of drunk people lingering around the complex, used condoms in the rec room, furious banging on people’s doors in the middle of the night, and addicts passed out in various places throughout the residence. Things got so bad that Englewood Police Chief Arthur O’Keefe decided to send undercover cops to watch over Tibbs. The officers were then able to track the origin of most of the problems to Parham and Chaney’s section of the building’s fifth floor.

In late April, police arrested fifth-floor residents James Parham and his neighbor Cheryl Chaney on charges of possession of drug paraphernalia and maintaining a drug nuisance. Chaney faces an additional charge of possession of crack cocaine.

A third suspect, Selma McDuffie, a 54-year-old school crossing guard, was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia after police found her with a crack pipe, police said…

Parham admitted providing prostitutes—mostly young women with crack cocaine addictions—to some of his younger neighbors in the building, Detective Capt. Timothy Torell said. More charges could be pending.

Despite the fact that Parham and Chaney are now being evicted on top of their arrests, Chief O’Keefe says he plans on maintaining round-the-clock police patrols of the Tibbs building. “I’m not going to allow the seniors to fall victim again,” he told Bergen County’s The Record.

This is me and wave in 40 years if shit doesn’t play out correctly. Well… minus the crack cocaine and shit. I visited my grandma at her nursing home this past weekend and let’s just say that getting old has to be one of the most depressing realities in the world. That’s why I’ve made my decision in regards to my last years. If I make it to like 70 and I’m still gucci… I’m gonna roll and do acid pretty much like every day until it’s time to go. I’m also gonna try Heroin. Imma take care of my grandkids their whole lives so when it’s time to get high as a kite, they hook me the fuck up.

@oakshades

PS. Instead of a random nursing home, I’m also gonna cop some sort of complex (maybe just a huge ass crib) and have all of the fiends move in. We’re gonna go out the same way we came into adulthood … BODIED.

VIA

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