How Booze Built America

In 20 years me, Wave and Bas are gonna be the hosts of ‘How Weed Built America’.

@oakshades

PS. Mad upsetting that grown ass individuals cannot look at this and everyother obvious reason for weed being illegal and draw the obvious connections.

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The Art of Web Design

I spent so many goddamn hours working on lefty post moves thinking that I was gonna be in the League when I shoulda been learning HTML. I cannot believe how much goes into designing a fire ass website. You see the blog. What does it look like? It looks like a fucking 13 year old’s xanga from 2002. I’m a grown ass man with a decent job and we haven’t been able to find the right person to fix the blog for over a year and a half. Shit is no joke.

@oakshades

PS. Seriously tho don’t make your kids learn useless tennis techniques or some other bullshit. Teach those niggas to code.

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Sorting Posts

We’re getting a new design and since we started this shit as a joke/ a way to kill time at work we never fucking put any thought into organization but now since we have a bigger audience and shit I guess it’s time to not be so jank as fuck. I’m currently sorting thru 2 years of me bitching and wave talking about dick pictures. FUNTIMES.

@oakshades

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NEW LIFE GOAL

First unveiled at a trade show in Basel, Switzerland a few weeks ago, the shower looks like a tanning bed mounted to the wall, but features an array of showerheads controlled by the company’s Ambiance Tuning Technique system. Think of it as an inverted version of the Bellagio’s fountains, as the various showerheads can be programmed and choreographed to cycle through different intensities and water temperatures.

If I don’t have sex in this horizontal shower before I die, I did not make my dreams come true. There’s only a few things I need to do before I die.

1. Purchase this shower and fuck a dirty smutbag in it
2. Mets/Jets/Knicks Season Tickets (Boxes for Mets and Jets, hopefully courtside for Knicks)
3. Set up all the Fiends with cushy jobs
4. Completely demolish Bill O’Reily ala the way Cam did
5. Be a good father

@oakshades

PS. SOMEONE BUY ME THIS FUCKING SHOWER

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MINDFUCK

I can’t even explain to ya’ll what my brain would be doing if I saw this video mooked off my ass.

@oakshades

PS. WE STILL DON’T HAVE MOVING SIDEWALKS OR TELEPORTATION THERE’S NO SHOT WE’RE CONQUERING THE UNIVERSE ANYTIME SOON

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Privacy Pop

I would have copped this back in 2007.

Only time I shared a room with anyone but my little sister.

My roomie used to crush this chick out a couple nights a week.

I would usually bounce but one time I was already in bed when they got home and they started fucking.

I was sleeping with my head on my arm over a pillow facing the wall when POP my shoulder dislocated.

I had to wait for my dude to splash all over this chicks face before I could bounce and get my shoulder popped back in.

TRUE STORY.

@oakshades

PS. Goddamn I miss the dorms. There were chicks looking for dick EVERYWHERE. Random Tuesday at 2 am? 83% chance of acquiring pussy. Now I live like a grown up and fear that my neighbors are gonna call the cops cause we mook out the hallway so goddamn bad.

PPS. NYU RA’s used to call getting locked out of your dorm cause your roommate was fucking ‘SEXILED’ fucking genius man. Might have to write a screenplay based on that…

VIA

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Fan Throws Grenade on Field

Are you shitting me bro? Can you imagine if someone just threw a nade on the 30 yard line of MetLife and Sanchez non chalantly strolled over and picked it up and tossed it two feet to watch it blow up immediately after it left his hand? We live in a fuckedddddddd world fiends.

@oakshades

PS. Probably the most wild shit I’ve ever seen.

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Cake Like @ladygaga

YO!

I don’t even know b.

@oakshades

PS. THIS SHIT GROWS ON YOU.
PPS. ITS OVER FOR KREAYSHAWN… AND ALL OF YOU SOUTHERN NIGGAS.
PPPS.

Stuntin’ all day, swag on 100 million,
Private plane like Lady Gaga,
Sip champagne like Lady Gaga,
Sold-out show like Lady Gaga,
Big bank roll like Lady Gaga,
Iced out wrist, iced out chain,
I’m diva in the fucking game, everybody knows my name
Diamond ring like Lady Gaga, Diamond ring in your face
Fuck ‘yo faith, drink bitch, fuck ‘yo life, trick bitch
I’m caked up and i’ll fuck ‘yo wife, fuck ‘yo life you bitch ass trick

Ill post it in the trap, strapped with the A-K,
Aimin’ at ‘yo fitted cap,
Cake like Lady Gaga (x5)
Ill post it in the trap, strapped with the A-K,
Aimin’ at ‘yo fitted cap,
Cake like Lady Gaga (x5)

I roll all the good shit, you rollin’ on that veggie bitch,
I roll like Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga in this bitch,
Roll all fuckin’ day, Donatella on you hoes,
Donatella got ‘dem clothes, Donatella bounce fo sho
Chopper In the chopper on the way to a sold-out show,
Lady Gaga, bitch ass trick, I put that on my poppa jo
I’ll mop you all across the floor, snatch ‘yo fuckin’ weave out bitch,
In front of Paparazzi singing Paparazzi in this bitch

Ill post it in the trap, strapped with the A-K,
Aimin’ at ‘yo fitted cap,
Cake like Lady Gaga (x5)
Ill post it in the trap, strapped with the A-K,
Aimin’ at ‘yo fitted cap,
Cake like Lady Gaga (x5)

Fuck the world like Lady Gaga,
Run the world like Lady Gaga,
phantom pearl like Lady Gaga,
Burka swag like Lady Gaga,
Twitter on, 30 million, under 30 hundred million,
30 Million fans straight, fannin’ like my children children
Ask my man, *something*
Ask anybody, I’m rich, homie i’ve got plenty,
Shut shit down like Lady Gaga,
Iced out Crown, and new ship Prada,
I sun you son, ask ‘yo father
Scull Tattoo, I hate ‘yo daughter

Ill post it in the trap, strapped with the A-K,
Aimin’ at ‘yo fitted cap,
Cake like Lady Gaga (x5)
Ill post it in the trap, strapped with the A-K,
Aimin’ at ‘yo fitted cap,
Cake like Lady Gaga (x5)

#BARS

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College Student Knocked Out By Falling Futon Mattress

This afternoon a freshman at Kings College was walking to the Broad Street J/Z station when a futon mattress fell from the sky and knocked him unconscious. Two witnesses say the mattress toppled off the top of a building some 30 stories up. Considering how heavy those futon mattresses can be, this guy’s lucky he didn’t break his neck—and he knows it. Jesse Scott Owen, the victim, is out of the hospital and tells us he’s grateful to be alive.
Owen, who just moved to NYC from Florida three weeks ago, says he was on his way to catch the subway to school when near-death came from above. “I was walking on the left side of the street—which I never do—and as I’m walking I get hit on the head with something. I was knocked out, I don’t know for how long. I was awoken by people were putting me up on the mattress, including one man who I think worked for the Stock Exchange.”
According to Owen, this man was his Guardian Angel. “I was wondering why I was on the mattress and they explained it had fallen on me and knocked me out! I thought that was kind of hysterical. But everyone’s telling me not to move, and this one man in particular kept his arm on me and would not take it off, as you can see in the picture. He took my wallet and phone and called my mother and gave my information to the police.”
Owen says two of his classmates happened to be walking by and joined him in the ambulance to New York Downtown hospital, where he got X-Rays, CAT Scans, and pain medication. “My neck still hurts pretty bad,” says Owen, who suffered a sprained neck and possibly a herniated disc. And then there’s the monetary pain. “Everyone’s asking me if I’m going to sue, but I have honestly no clue,” Owen insists. “I really don’t want to pay these medical bills along with my college tuition.”
The NYPD told Owen’s mother the mattress might have blown off of the roof of a spa during today’s high winds. And one woman who witnessed the incident told Owen’s friends that she saw it fall from very high up. (Another witness told us earlier, “It must have flown off a rooftop terrace at least 30 floors up as I work on the 24th floor and saw it come down from above.”) However, no police report was filled out, according to Owen’s mother. As it happens, this rooftop spa at the Setai Wall Street on 40 Broad appears to have mattresses that look just like the one that fell on Owen.
But all things considered, Owen seems to be taking it in stride. “It was an experience,” Owen tells us. “And I am really happy I am not dead.” From his point of view, it was almost a rite of passage. “When I first Googled it to see if anyone had written about this I tried searching ‘boy hit by mattress wall street’ and that didn’t work,” Owen recalls. “So I tried ‘man hit by mattress’ and your story came up. I was psyched. ‘That’s right, I’m a man now! They said it was a man knocked out on the sidewalk.’ “

Getting killed via Mattress would be the softest way to die of all time no? This nigga gon get paid but not as much as he shoulda been. You know what the difference between this dumb nigga and me and wave? We would have immediately faked retrograde amnesia. As soon as I wokeup I’d have been like ‘What happened?’ they’d tell me a mattress fell from the sky and hit me. Come on b. There’s a 90% chance this is someone’s fault and that it’s not raining mattresses. THIS WOULDA BEEN ONE OF THE EASIEST LAWSUITS OF ALL TIME!!!!! Damn. None of my injuries have brought me revenue, just pain.

@oakshades

VIA

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Texas Homeowner ‘Lynches’ Empty Chair Meant to Represent President Obama

Today, Burnt Orange Report received the photo at right, taken in front of a home in Northwest Austin. The resident, a Republican, lynched an empty chair from a tree in his yard, which one can easily interpret to represent a racially motivated act of violence against the President.

Now, one could easily argue “it’s just a chair, what’s the big deal? That’s not racist!”

However, in light of Clint Eastwood’s speech at the Republican National Convention, in which he had a largely one-sided conversation with an empty chair he pretended was Barack Obama, this imagery is now associated with the President.

There are folks who will claim that this isn’t “racist.” Republicans, especially the Tea Party types, like to claim that liberals think every attack on the President is racist. Folks like to claim that hanging a noose up as decoration is “honoring the past of the South,” blithely ignoring the context in which those same nooses were used during the pre-Civil War and Reconstruction eras — by white men to hang African-Americans. Some folks will undoubtedly point out the burning of Bush effigies throughout his administration, especially during anti-war protests.

This is different. This is the specific and deliberate use of a racially charged act of violence — lynching — perpetrated by white men against African-American men and women. When you add a Republican symbol for the first African-American President into the mix, you get a pretty awful picture — the one you see at right, and one that can be seen on a front lawn here in leafy, quiet Northwest Austin.

We’re a state that has a horrific history of hate crimes, and given the new context of the “empty chair” created by the Republican Party during their own convention gives this image of a chair hanging from a tree a decidedly sinister, and yes, racist, meaning.

It’s awful. Republicans should call out this imagery and the racist rhetoric that has come to pervade their party. But I’m not holding my breath…

I called the homeowner to ask about his display, citing my concerns as a fellow Austinite. He replied, and I quote, “I don’t really give a damn whether it disturbs you or not. You can take [your concerns] and go straight to hell and take Obama with you. I don’t give a shit. If you don’t like it, don’t come down my street.”

Racism is still alive they just be concealing it… or not at all. Really though? 2012 and you fake lynching the President of the United States of America? This dude deserves the fade on sight. I think that if you come across a Racist in the wild, you should legally be allowed to fuck him up. Like if they have the right to broadcast straight up hate, then they must defend that via hand to hand combat.

@oakshades

PS. Someone needs to light this dude’s tree on fire. <== YUPP I WENT THERE BUT I don't really give a damn whether it disturbs you or not. You can take [your concerns] and go straight to hell and take this bitch nigga with you.

VIA

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