Laugh our asses off at this huge chick tryna stabilize her core in order to get out of this ball pit.
Then let’s take about another 3 minutes to:
Feel terrible about America as a whole because we’re so goddamn fat that we just spent 22 seconds watching a huge chick try to stabilize her core in order to get out of this ball pit and then 3 minutes laughing at her.
Seriously though, I don’t fuck with ball pits. That shit is just a super nasty fucking premise. Have you seen kids? Have you smelled kids? Have you ever been to McDonalds? Let’s go ahead and add all of those different components together. Then let’s toss in some Sweet and Sour sauce, three chicken slime nuggets, four kids sized Minute Maid Fruit Punches and some chocolate fudge covered peanuts that have been sucked dry and spit out by BobbyJo the 3 toothed 6 year old who likes pinching strangers.
I’m gonna send my kid into that breeding ground for disease? Now that I’m really thinking about it, what the fuck was wrong with my parents? Why would they let me in that pit of germs? Was I really that annoying as a child? So annoying that my mom would risk me catching Face Herpes for a moment of solitude with a Big Mac? (YES FACE HERPES IS A THING)
My kids are getting turkey sandwiches, carrot sticks, water with lemon slices and trail mix. When they’re done eating we’ll go to the park where they can run sprints pretending that they are cheetahs, or whatever wild shit their brain dreams up of. No McDonalds and Ball Pits. That shit is unhealhty. Plus poppa oakshades can’t covertly hit a one hitter inside of a McDonalds Play Area and he definitely will be able to do that at an outdoor park.
PS. Why the fuck does McDonalds taste so different from when we were kids. That shit was delicious. Now I gotta be high as shit and that shit needs to be fresh out the oven for me to even enjoy a bite.
PPS. Or drunk. Everything tastes amazing when you’re drunk.
Daily Mail – A family with two young children were kicked off a flight after a pilot refused to fly when their two-year-old daughter had a tantrum. Toddler Natalie Vieau kicked up a fuss as her parents and older sister Cecilia, three, boarded a flight to Boston after enjoying a winter vacation in the Turks and Caicos. Her mother Dr Colette Vieau said she did her best to calm her daughter down but was just hoping for ‘some humanity’ from the airline. When Natalie threw a tantrum and refused to sit down, her parents managed to get her seat belt fastened and held her in place. However the pilot and a flight attendant still decided they were unable to take off with the family on board and they were asked to get off. Dr Vieau told Msnbc: ‘We were holding them down with all of our might, seat belt on.
Damn right these little fucks shoulda been kicked off the plane. Just cause you didn’t pull out and splash on your wife’s face doesn’t mean you get to ruin my flight, meal, movie etc… Here’s a fucking brilliant idea, FAMILY ONLY FLIGHTS. Like straight up play dates in the air. Set up the seats like the old school Southwest way where they face eachother. Hand out crayons and gummy snacks. I bet you $1,000,000 the sponsorship money would fall from the fucking gods if some airline made the smart move and did this.
PS. I’d pay $35 extra to fly on a Singles Only flight. I always see the baddest bitches on planes but I never feel like it’s appropriate to holla at em when they got their headphones on and shit. You get on that Singles flight tho??? I know you down to conversate.
PPS. NIGGAS ARE LEGITIMATELY DOING MAGIC. THEY ARE MAKING METAL AND PEOPLE FLY. WHATEVER THE PILOT SAYS GOES. GET THE FUCK OFF HIS PLANE YOU FUCKERS.
First off, a singles only flight is pure genius. Like I’m almost mad we just put this out on the internet like that. That’s the shit we gotta save my dude. Anyway, I don’t agree with you at all. I’m going to skip my whole constitutional rights rant and just go straight to my own, twisted logic.
#1 – Mugs know I NEVER SLEEP. Maybe 3 hours a night. BUT, when I do sleep, mugs know I sleep the hardest. Nothing can wake me up. You could put me in the middle row with 2 kids punching me in the head and another one kicking my dick in for 5 hours and I won’t budge. The last 4 flights I was on, I fell asleep before half the plane boarded, and woke up with the plane already landed. Nothing, I mean NOTHING, bothers me when it comes to noise. I can sleep standing up with the TV on full volume and lights on. It takes me 5 alarms to go to work everyday. So I personally don’t give a fuck.
But more importantly,
#2 – I’m fucking 6 foot 7. When you’re my size, no matter what, there is not one comfortable position on the entire plane. I’m literally miserable. My knees get crammed underneath my chin. I fly sitting up in the fetal position. Plane rides for me are literally the most uncomfortable thing that occurs in my life. If someone moves the seat up, the food tray goes straight up my asshole. My shits come out in rectangles. That being said, my outlook on a Airplane is like the Joker in the dark night. Some men just want to watch the world burn. I want everyone to suffer. if I have to suffer whether it’s dead silent or not, then I want everyone else to suffer on planes as much as possible. I honestly get enjoyment when I see people have miserable, nightmare flights. Because that’s how I feel on every single flight. And since i can sleep through a screaming kid, I sleep even better knowing everyone on board is just as miserable as my 6 foot 7 legs are. I love screaming kids on planes, I love watching you all suffer.
Big D, you’re like 3 inches shorter than me and wider, if anyone should agree with this, it’s you.
Thank you sir. I’m hoping brands/peole/creative visionaries hire us based upon the freebees we throw out knowing that our brains would kick into a super saiyan zen rain man mode in order to continue stacking this guap and living this #FIEND lifestyle. That being said… ever since we started using our Delta connect and flying first class… I love flying. When we we’re flying to Amsterdam, THEY GAVE US CHAMPAGNE BEFORE WE EVEN SAT DOWN. So yea if I’m in Coach and not in a bucket seat or exit row, FUCK EVERYONE. But if I’m first class living?? Kick these toddlers the fuck off my plane every single time. Send em to little kid jail.
PS. Little kid jail is one of three places, Lowes/Home Depot, The Container Store or any Dentist office.