Ever since I turned 21 I’ve been going to Vegas every year for March Madness. Besides the fact that I’m one of the biggest #FIENDS on the planet, I’m also a degenerate gambler. So it makes sense that I should spend one of the biggest gambling weekends in the fiend capitol of the world.
I’ll get to Vegas shit, but first I just gotta tell you about my flight there.
I’ve been reading about the Malaysian Airlines missing plane all week long. I can’t stop reading conspiracies and every comment on Reddit. It got to the point where I dreamt about plane rides 4/7 nights last week. Usually I’m way too mooked when I go to sleep to even dream at all.
I’m also deathly afraid of flying. Absolutely hate it. You got people like Bas that fly all the time and don’t give 2 fucks, then you got people like me that panic at every bump and little noise. So all this missing plane shit mixed with my normal fear had me really on edge.
Then I had the nerve to post this right before my flight:
“Vegas Bound. Again. If my flight should disappear just know I lived everyday like a #FIEND.”
I made a fucking Malaysian Airline joke right before I got on the plane. Like all the terrible shit I’ve done in my life wasn’t enough, I risked all types of insane negative Karma and jinxing myself for a few extra Instagram likes. I was just asking for trouble at this point.
At the end of the day though, as scared as I was, you gotta get on that plane. Vegas > Fear of Death.
The first 2 hours of flying were smooth as shit. Maybe one of the smoothest rides I’ve ever had. Watched half of Gravity before I couldn’t take that piece of shit movie any more, then watched the second half of Delivery Man and had no idea what was going on.
That’s when shit went down.
Someone in the back of the plane started repeatedly pressing their intercom button in a frantic state. At first I thought they were just being an asshole. You always get those on the Vegas flights (1st timers/rookies). Then some dude started running up and down the aisle. I had my headphones on still, but at this point I’m thinking: Okay. This is it. It’s really happening. I’m going to have to take a motherfucker down. Not on my plane.
I take my headphones off and get ready to fight the terrorist. Then a stewardess runs out of first class and shouts… “Is there a doctor on the plane??”
For someone terrified of flying, that’s just some shit you absolutely never want to hear. Like I’m glad I didn’t have to body the terrorists, but this new development was also freaking me the fuck out. What the hell was going on that we needed a doctor?
Luckily there was a doctor. Because whenever they ask if there is a doctor on the plane in a movie, there is always a doctor.
The doctor gets up and runs to the back of the plane. I look back and there is a dude just laid out unconscious on his back in the middle of the aisle. The doctor runs over and checks him out. Then he gives this facial expression like “Holy fuck, this is bad”. He starts doing full on chess compressions and CPR shit trying to revive this dude.
He whispers something to the stewardess. She runs to the back of the plane and comes out with a fucking defibrillator. I don’t think I’ve actually ever seen one before in real life. Just like George Clooney on ER. Then the stewardess starts charging that shit up.
At this point I’m having 2 thoughts. The sensitive side of me is like “Holy shit. This poor dude is going to die. That’s absolutely terrible”. But the incentive and true Vegas fiend is like “Fuck. This dude is gonna die and we are going to have to land in like fucking Iowa for 12 hours while we get the dead body off. I’m never gonna make it to Vegas in time for the first games.”
I needed to get to Vegas man. I can’t have people dying on me and delaying my trip. Before you judge me though I will say this. Half the plane was standing up in their seat FREAKING THE FUCK OUT like me. The other half of the plane, was absolutely STONE COLD. It didn’t even phase them. Most of them, never even looked up. Not even for a second. The dude next to me, just kept reading his Sky Mall like nothing was going on at all. Others were just flipping through Direct TV channels.
I’m sorry, but is that not INSANE? Like I had piece of shit, selfish, thoughts. But at least I showed some emotion. These barbarians were fucking watching Modern Family while a dude is literally lying dead on a plane next to them.
So back to the story, the doctor is doing all types of medical shit on this guy is who still lifeless on the floor. The stewardess is charging up the defibrillator. She is for real shocking them together. Sparks are flying. I am level 10 panicking. The doctor takes the defibrillator and gives the dead dude ONE hard shock…
…and he pops up. Lookin just like the Undertaker and shit.
He was absolutely fine! Didn’t even ask what happened. Just smiled and sat back in his seat. This is what blew my mind about all this shitL: EVERYONE ACTED LIKE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.
There was no acknowledgment of this event whatsoever. No one clapped or cheered when the dude came back from the dead. There was no praise for the doctor or airplane staff. The doctor just sat back down. The stewardess never made ANY announcement. She never went on the intercom and told us the story, or said everything was going to be alright, or thanked us…NOTHING. Everyone sat back in their seat and acted like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.
There was no mention of this, or even dialogue between passengers. We just all sat in our seats and pretended we never had a full blown emergency with a dead dude on the plane. It was fucking remarkable.
I know I’m a #FIEND, but seriously what the fuck is wrong with you people? I can’t be the only one that thinks this IS NOT normal?
I guess though at the end of the day. We are all #FIENDS. And everyone on plane to Vegas for March Madness is 100% a fiend. So I guess really what you saw, was that at the end of the day everyone’s goal was to get to Vegas. If we lose someone along the way, that was not our fucking problem.
JUST. GET. TO. VEGAS. Was the only thing on everyon’e mind.
@Wave_Bandana / Blogs