That shit really hit home last night. I’m super cognizant of race. Have been my whole life. The gift and curse of being half white and half black is you’re always thinking about the fact that you’re black and white. You feel like a chameleon sometimes. I’ve got some of the whitest people in the world that are my best friends and LITERALLY my mother. I also know some really black folk that span from my Nigerian dad to some true NYC street goons.
Mike Brown hurt. Going to Ferguson and hearing the words of the people and seeing a community coming together and then watching Don Lemon scold his own fucking hurt. But nothing hurt like last night. It hurt so much cause I knew it was coming. I knew that even though we have video footage of multiple police men confronting one man and murdering him that nothing was gonna happen.
I fucking knew it and so did everyone of my peers but we still held hope. How the fuck does one get away with murder when it occurs on film? How does one of the chosen protectors find it not only OK to murder a human but finds it amusing enough to lowkey kinda smile and joke around as he is choking the life out of a father of 6.
It hurts that I’m on a plane right now. It hurts that I’m not in the streets with my own. It hurts that for the first time in my life I’m fucking scared. I look at my brothers and see how hurt they are. I hear them talk about becoming vocal parts of a new young black movement to raise our culture and I’m scared. I’m scared because they have a platform and want to speak. I’m scared because today I read that 45 years ago the FBI assassinated Fred Hampton because J Edgar Hoover was scared of a cohesive movement empowering black Americans.
I’m scared to raise my kids cause no matter what my wife looks like they’re going to be black at night. I’m scared that no matter what I do I’m Black and we live in a Society that’s chosen to belittle my culture. I’m scared of how the world views America. I’m scared that I’ve seen so many young black men murdered by the NYPD and never seen a storefront burn. I’m scared because I know this is deeper than Black vs White. This is Rich vs Poor and all of the poor don’t see it because they’ve been tricked into thinking this is Black vs White.
I’m scared cause I’m fucking huge. I’m as big as Eric Garner. What the fuck do I do if I’m wrongly being choked out by the cops? I know what he could have done. He could have thrown those fucking cops. I know cause that’s what I would have done. He could have fought back. He didn’t. He screamed that he was choking. He screamed for his life. And he was murdered.
I’m scared that our president thinks body cameras are the answer. They aren’t. We just saw a man get murdered by our chosen protectors and then had the Medical Examiner of NYC declare it a homicide, then watched an officer get cleared. I’m scared that our president hasn’t spoken up louder even though his grandsons will one day wear hoodies and walk to the store to buy some Skittles.
If you don’t feel for Eric Garner’s family then fuck you.
If you don’t feel for Mike Brown’s family then fuck you.
If you don’t think that we as a society need to change then fuck you.
I hurt everyday because injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere and in 2014 the world is strife with injustice.
I have hope that our generation and those younger will change our country.
I have faith in information.
I have faith in good people.
I have faith in humanity.
PS. Pardon the typos, this was unedited and inspired by Brooklyn Lager 10,000 feet up.